I think you made a good start on that scene edit, but there is something just a little off. I think it is because Miranda appears to be partially in view, like the camera is inside her. Or maybe it is the framing of it, as there is a lot of empty space because Shep is so far to the left. Maybe zoom it back a little so Miranda appears on the right side?
Up to you of course. As it is now it gets the job done, just thinking of improvements thats all
When I made the original outfit mod for Miri, I used Otte's head mesh she provided me. The only issue was there was a seam at the top of her face. Rather then bother anyone about it, I used a hairstyle for her that covered it.
I think the hairstyle really suits her, I kind of wish there had been the odd bit of variation in character appearances when you see them a few different times. I always think "man, those clothes must pong abit after only wearing them for two whole games..."